Finding Nirvana: A Metaphor on Many Things

Finding Nirvana

It was a dark silhouette in fine sand, a vision masked by a haze of tiny stones carried along by a violent sand storm. I wouldn’t have seen it, I almost didn’t, but Rasheed held me by the hand and pointed to the eye of the storm.

“Allah subhanahu wa ta’Ala – Do you see that!?”

I had to move closer to the edge of the tent, inside of his bosom. He held my head gently and directed me, then there it was – a dark silhouette in fine sand, a vision masked by a haze of tiny stones carried along by the violent sand storm. I was compelled to run in after it. I inched away from him and had one leg out the shadow of the tent even, but then Rasheed pulled me back inside before I could. He said, “We will go after it when the Sand Storm has calmed”, and I realised he had not noticed what I was about to do, and out of shame, I did not tell him.

But while the glow of our lamp burnt at the sides of his sleeping face, I found myself sat beside the entrance of the tent, singing a gentle song of welcome to it. Between the whistles about us and the beating of sand against our walls, I believed deeply, that it could hear me. I told it to be patient and to be strong in the face of the storm. Its journey had been early met with the adversity that life throws at all of us eventually, but that only meant it’s conclusion would be that much more rewarding.

Evening came and the storm stilled to a cold breeze. I started a campfire outside and lit a lamp from the flames that wrestled against each other in the breeze. Any other night, I would have sat silently beside it while Rasheed slept and counted the stars, today a purpose much greater had found me. On all fours, I knelt beside my husband’s mat and woke him.

“The storm is quiet now. Let us go find it before it is lost to the world.”

Sleepily he sat up and dusted off the folds of his thobe. He stared at me quietly for a long time, as if debating the sense in us leaving that late into the night; but he saw my eyes, and knew better than to say no. Together we set off into the darkness, towards the direction it had shown us.

Now in these parts where pirates came as wolves in the night to scavenge and kill travellers such as ourselves, any semblance of our presence could be deadly; but we had searched for hours and it was nowhere to be found. Rasheed looked at me through the light of his lamp and I quickened my pace so our eyes would not meet. I knew what he was going to say, and I both feared and was brought to anger by it. He was going to ask that we turn back; to call it quits and hope that it finds its way to us again one day. I had waited long enough. Audhu billahi min ash shaytan ar rajim – Allah Ta’ala knew how long. He would not tease me like this. Not after the years I had given him in prayer and self sacrifice. I took one deep breath and began to scream after it. Rasheed, startled by my stupidity, broke into a jog behind me, trying to hush me to silence. I broke into a run and he came after me. I run as hard as my legs could carry me, all the while screaming. I run and I scream and I run and I scream. I don’t know how long for; but when the contractions of my strained breathing stopped, I realised all there was about me was silence.

“Rasheed!!???”

“Rasheed!!!???”

The echoes resounded and withdrew paces away. All about me was sand hills and darkness. I walked a few gingered steps, slumped into the sand beside my dying lamp and wept.

****

It was a dark silhouette in fine sand, a vision masked by a haze of tiny stones carried along by the violent sand storm. I wouldn’t have seen it, I almost didn’t, but Adara held me by the hand and pointed to the eye of the storm.

“Allah subhanahu wa ta’Ala – Do you see that!?”

I moved closer to the edge of the tent, a hand on my headdress to guard against the storm. From behind me, she reached a finger for my chin and guided my head, then there it was – a dark silhouette in fine sand, a vision masked by a haze of tiny stones carried along by the violent sand storm. I was compelled to run in after it. I inched away from her and had one leg out the shadow of the tent even, but then Adara pulled me back inside before I could. She said, “We will go after it when the Sand Storm has calmed”, and I realised she had not noticed what I was about to do,

and out of shame, I did not tell her

End.

4 thoughts on “Finding Nirvana: A Metaphor on Many Things

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